Steps for when dating feels a bit aimless, or hopeless!
With recent research by dating service Badoo suggesting that British millennials spend 10 hours a week on their app, finding a compatible relationship partner can be time-consuming.
From my own experience, it can also feel demoralizing to downright depressing. A few years ago, my long-term partner and I realized we irreconcilably wanted different things in life, broke up, and went off on our own respective dating missions – trying to fill the emotional gap left by the loss of our close romantic connection.
I signed up to apps, met matchmakers, asked friends for introductions, revived old hobbies and joined new communities. I also went on a journey of self discovery: becoming clearer about who I am, and so the type of romantic partner I actually want. I got real with negative patterns I was repeating; learned how to give myself the emotional self-care I needed; and even took myself on some awesome dates (more on that later)!
Appreciating my own value helped me to approach dating from a different viewpoint – to love from a place of fullness, rather than subconsciously giving so hard in order to receive love. I became more happy and fulfilled with my own company, actually enjoying the freedom being single can offer.
This guide is for you if you: feel ready to start dating; to get going with it again after a romantic hiatus; or to improve your chances of dating success, when your current dating life feels a bit aimless or hopeless.
Sometimes we decide to be single for a while to concentrate on our personal development, career, family etc; or we may not be ready to jump into dating. That is always perfectly OK – it’s good to be honest with ourselves and other people, rather than pretend or force anything that doesn’t feel right due to internal, or societal, pressures.
As it stands, in 2020 I’m on great terms with my ex, and my current relationship is going strong with someone who feels compatible for me.
If you’re also feeling ready, here is a summary of what I learned – after researching relationship coaches, books and courses – about finding and attracting a compatible romantic partner:
It can seem counter-intuitive, but narrowing down your search for a compatible future partner can be a huge help in finding them. Otherwise it’s common to spend years of our lives in relationships that, if we are honest with ourselves, just don’t cut it for the long-term.
Finding Someone You Actually Want To Date
I truly believe that the people who come into our lives, are right for the period of time we spend together, whether that’s six months or a lifetime – particularly when we both learn lessons from the relationship.
But, when you want to date someone more compatible for you, it helps to first of all get clear on the characteristics of your “ideal” mate.
Studies have found that visualization makes us more likely to achieve our goals – it’s a technique used by successful athletes and business people. It also means that when we come across what we’re looking for, we’re more likely to notice and act on it, because we know what we want in the first place.
It is also worth noting that there is no one “ideal” person for everyone. A partner who is chatty or quiet, intellectual or easy-going, tall or short, sporty or homey, is likely to seem ideal to different people.
For more inspiration, it can help to think about the qualities you admire from previous partners, friends or other people you know, or the dynamics and characteristics you see in happy relationships around you. If you are inclined to do so, you can also make your answers into a vision board.